The Mental Load Series. Part 2 – Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?

|Gill Townsend
A woman sitting at a cluttered desk in soft morning light, surrounded by papers and notebooks, deep in thought about everything she needs to manage — representing the struggle to let go of the mental load.

This post is part of The Mental Load Series, a four-part look at the invisible work that keeps families running (and mums running on caffeine).

Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?

You know that moment when someone says, “Just tell me what needs doing”?

And you think, if I have to tell you, I may as well do it myself.

Welcome to Part 2 of The Mental Load Series, where we talk about the hardest part of sharing the load, actually letting it go.

Because delegating sounds great in theory, but in real life? It’s messy. It’s emotional. And half the time, it boomerangs straight back to us.

You don’t just make dinner.

You plan it, shop for it, remember who won’t eat what, when you last had it, and what night there’s soccer.

And even when someone else cooks, you’re still the one who remembers the lunchbox is on the bench, the clean uniform’s still in the dryer, and tomorrow’s library day.

It’s not about competence. It’s about ownership.

We’ve been taught to run the show, quietly, efficiently, invisibly.

We see the gaps before they happen.

We notice when the milk’s low, when the school shoes don’t fit, when someone’s had a tough day but hasn’t said it out loud.

So when someone offers help, our brains don’t instantly relax.

Instead, they go into project manager mode.

Because handing something off still requires you to:

  • Think of the thing.

  • Explain the thing.

  • Check if the thing was done.

  • And then fix the thing if it wasn’t.

And who has the energy for that?

Letting go feels risky. It means something might fall through the cracks. Someone might forget. Dinner might be toast, again.

BUT...... holding on to everything means we never stop carrying it.

Maybe the goal isn’t perfect delegation. Maybe it’s tolerating a little chaos while other people learn the ropes. Maybe it’s trusting that your way isn’t the only way, even if it’s obviously the best way (and yes, the right way).

It’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Because real balance doesn’t happen when you ask for help, it happens when you stop being the only one who knows what needs doing.

💬 When have you tried handing something off and it bounced right back to you?

Share it in the comments, you’re definitely not alone.

 

💡 Read the full Mental Load Series:

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