This post is part of The Mama Assembly’s “Motherhood & Identity” mini series. exploring how we rediscover who we are beyond “Mum.”
Somewhere between career goals and snack requests, we were told “balance” was the goal.
Work-life balance.
Self-care balance.
Screen-time balance.
All perfectly arranged on the imaginary scales of modern motherhood.
We were told that if we could just find the right rhythm, the right colour-coded planner, the right mindset, the right morning routine, we’d feel centred and calm, like those serene women on Instagram who somehow juggle work, kids, and green smoothies without spilling anything.
But let’s be honest. The only thing balanced around here is the laundry basket… on our hip… while we answer emails.
The Myth of “Having It All”
This idea of “balance” snuck in quietly, disguised as empowerment.
You can have a career and be a present mum.
You can chase your goals and keep a spotless house.
You can do it all... as long as you manage your time, your emotions, your hormones, your kids, your job, your health, your friendships, and your snack drawer.
It sounds inspiring until you’re in it, standing at the kitchen bench at 10 p.m., laptop open, school lunchboxes half-packed, wondering if “balance” just means doing everything badly at once.
The truth?
Balance, as we’ve been sold it, often just feels like pressure wrapped in positive language.
Maybe It’s Not Balance. Maybe It’s Boundaries.
What if the goal isn’t to balance everything evenly, but to prioritise what actually matters today?
Because “balance” assumes everything deserves equal weight, when we know that’s not how life works.
Some days, work wins.
Some days, the kids do.
Some days, we give our best energy to dinner, and other days it’s Weet-Bix and a frozen smile.
And that’s okay.
Maybe it’s not about balance at all, maybe it’s about boundaries.
The quiet, confident act of deciding: this is what gets my time and energy right now, and this is what can wait.
Boundaries are the reason you say no to the extra committee meeting.
They’re why you mute notifications after 8 p.m.
They’re why you hide in the pantry with a biscuit (and a moment of silence) instead of folding laundry during your “break.”
Boundaries protect your energy, while “balance” tries to stretch it thin.
The Guilt That Follows
Of course, as soon as you stop chasing balance, the guilt arrives like an uninvited guest.
It whispers: “You should be doing more.”
You should be more patient.
More productive.
More fun.
But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it just means you care.
You care deeply about your family, your work, your dreams, your sense of self.
You care enough to want to do it all, even when it’s impossible.
That’s not failure. That’s love.
The key is learning to let go of the expectation that love equals exhaustion.
Because it doesn’t.
Redefining Success
Maybe “success” for you right now looks like finishing a hot coffee before it goes cold.
Maybe it’s getting through the day without shouting.
Maybe it’s saying no to something and not over-explaining why.
You don’t need a perfect 50/50 split between home and work, chaos and calm.
You just need moments that feel like you again.
So, instead of chasing the myth of balance, try building a rhythm that actually fits your life, one that flexes, forgives, and gives you room to breathe.
Because balance isn’t the measure of a good mum.
Being honest about what’s working (and what’s not) is.
🌸 Read Next in the Motherhood & Identity Series
- Part 1 → Who Was I Before “Mum”?
- Part 2 → Why "balance" might be a lie
- Part 3 → Ambition Isn’t Selfish – It’s a Map
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Part 4 → Making Room for You (Without Guilt)
💬 Join the Conversation
What does “balance” look like for you right now?
Are you chasing it, redefining it, or letting it go entirely?
“You don’t need perfect balance. You just need permission to breathe.” - The Mama Assembly
☕ Try This Week
Pick one area of your life where you’ve been striving for “balance”, maybe work hours, social time, or home routines.
Ask yourself: What would change if I stopped aiming for equal and started aiming for enough?
Write it down, act on one small shift, and see how it feels.
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