Motherhood & Identity Series – Part 1: Who Was I Before “Mum”?

This piece is part of The Mama Assembly’s “Motherhood & Identity” series — exploring how we rediscover who we are beyond “Mum.” 

Before “Mum,” she had hobbies, plans, and a hot cup of coffee she actually finished.

She might have read books with more than twelve words per page, worn clothes without handprints, and stayed out past 9 p.m. because she wanted to, not because the supermarket was quieter then.

She probably had goals, playlists, and preferences, like a favourite café order that didn’t involve sharing a muffin with small, sticky fingers.
She was her own person.

And then motherhood arrived.

Beautiful. Chaotic. Consuming.
Suddenly, she became the finder of lost shoes, the master of multitasking, and the human embodiment of “Muuuummmm!”

Somewhere in between the school drop-offs, work emails, and late-night snack negotiations, she started to fade into the background of her own life.

Losing (and Finding) Yourself in Motherhood

Motherhood has a way of rearranging your identity without asking for permission.

You don’t even notice it at first; you just start swapping “me” for “we.”
“We’re tired.”
“We didn’t sleep last night.”
“We love Bluey.”

And it’s not wrong.
It’s just easy to forget where you end and they begin.

Maybe you catch glimpses of your old self sometimes, when a song comes on that used to be your favourite, or you find an old photo from before the baby years and think, “Oh, right. Her.”

She’s not gone.
She’s just been waiting for an invitation back.

The Subtle Shift

We tend to think rediscovery requires a big reinvention.
A dramatic career move. A solo holiday. A bold declaration of “finding yourself again.”

But most of the time, it starts smaller.

It’s in the moment you take your coffee outside instead of gulping it down while packing lunches.
It’s in the five quiet minutes before everyone wakes up.
It’s in saying yes to something that’s just for you; a walk, a hobby, a thought that doesn’t revolve around someone else’s schedule.

The truth is, you don’t need to go back to who you were before motherhood.
You’ve evolved. You’ve grown. You’ve built entire humans and entire worlds.

The goal isn’t to rewind. It’s to reconnect.
To blend the “before” you with the “after” you into someone wiser, stronger, and still just as deserving of space.

The Permission Slip

Somewhere along the line, we started believing that putting ourselves last was noble.
That motherhood meant self-sacrifice at all costs.

But when we disappear completely, the whole family loses something, not just us.

Because the kids don’t just need our care; they need our aliveness.
They need to see what passion looks like.
They need to see a mum who remembers what makes her laugh, move, create, dream.

You’re still in there.
The version of you who had wild ideas, inside jokes, and time to just exist.
She’s waiting, not for a free weekend or a childcare miracle, but for permission.

So here it is.
You can love your kids fiercely and still want more for yourself.
You can be grateful and restless.
You can be both.

🌸 Read Next in the Motherhood & Identity Series

• Part 1 → Who Was I Before “Mum”?
• Part 2 → Why "balance" might be a lie
• Part 3 → Ambition Isn’t Selfish – It’s a Map
• Part 4 → Making Room for You (Without Guilt)
  

💬 Join the Conversation

Who were you before “Mum”?
And what part of her are you ready to invite back?

“Motherhood doesn’t replace who you were. It expands who you are.” - The Mama Assembly

☕ Try This Week

Find one small way to reconnect with your pre-mum self.

It could be revisiting an old playlist, wearing that perfume you loved, or doing something simply because you want to.

You don’t need hours, just intention.

That’s how she finds her way back.